by staff writer, Yeva Mikaelyan

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You’re going to Hell.
Why? Oh, because you forgot to throw that can away. And you had sex in your car.
 Sorry.
Turn left for eternal damnation.
            Ridiculous? That’s what I said.
            Apparently, the Vatican’s recent effort to modernize its image has been taken to the “XTREME.” First, they introduce “The Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road,” a.k.a. the Ten Commandments for drivers, instructing drivers not to curse, drive under the influence, make “rude gestures,” or have sex in the car.
            And now, The Vatican newspaper, l’Osservatore Romano, introduced the new seven deadly sins: harmful drugs, genetic experiments, pollution, birth control, creating poverty, accumulating excess wealth, and contributing to the gap between rich and poor.
            There has always been something about the Catholic Church that has just scared me. This could have something to do with the Crusades, the Inquisition, their new exhibit trying to show people that the Inquisition “wasn’t that bad,” child-raping priests, scary statues, and Catholics preaching (more like screaming) in my face.
            But this is just plain weird.
            Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that the Vatican is “going green.” Really, it warms my heart that such an influential organization wants to help the world.
But, you cannot update religion. Last I checked, Jesus never said anything about pollution or genetic experiments. And declaring those things sins are absurd and misleading.
         Unless God comes down from Heaven and says, “Hey, Pope, I have new sins for the list. I’m just going to edit these into the Bible with my divine superpowers,” stick to your religion or start a new one.
            And this is coming from me. I love the idea of the whole world holding hands, recycling, and saying no to genetic engineering—at  least until they find out how to make it work. But, the church should not abuse their influence to get people to do something irrelevant to faith such as recycle.
Instead, they should tell people that it is morally right to keep the world clean and to help it and its inhabitants live long and healthy lives. That will be more influential because then people will not feel like they are being manipulated.           
And apparently, people are feeling manipulated because a recent study conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life “found that the Roman Catholic Church has lost more members than any faith in the United States.”
But Vatican, this is no reason to sell out. It’s an “It’s not you, it’s me” situation with people. Society is changing and a lot of us are simply turning away from religion and old customs.
Besides, who said that adding more “don’ts” to the list will make people want to stay?
So, tough it out. You do not need to declare something a sin to get people to listen.
Do not abuse your influence. Instead, use your newfound enlightenment to help the world without the threat of enduring eternal Hellfire.